Thursday, January 5, 2017

Your Macho Has Left the Building

Whether a teen or an old man, unless you wear them like George Strait, then your jeans just don't fit right.  

You "dip" too much when you look and smell like you've been smiling behind a moving manure spreader.

There's a reason your grandma gave you the manicure set.

It looks like you're embarrassed by being bald and/or you're a clod, if you leave your hat/cap on while eating inside a restaurant. 

Gnarly looking feet and black dress socks are on the same macho level when wearing sandals.

Hot and sweaty from a day filled with hard work can be sexy.  From laying around watching TV or playing video games - not so much.

Carharts may be more waterproof if they aren't washed but when they can stand on their own, it's time for a Tide ride.

If you no longer have your teeth or have trouble hearing but refuse to wear your dentures or hearing aids because of vanity - you're only kidding yourself.  

Do not wear a toupee or wig.   I'm not kidding: DO NOT.  No one is fooled and a guy rocking his shine is macho.

OK, I get it you don't think a clean pick-up is macho.  But a clean family car is quite another bucket of wash water.  

You are NOT manly if you abuse a woman, a child or an animal.  Not one - not a little bit and no!  

Humble is macho.  Think about it.

There is something macho about a big guy holding hands and walking with his little kid.  No young stud ever thought he'd have to do that and every macho guy is proud to have that trust.

A father or grandfather convincingly wearing a princess tiara or a superhero cape is all man.

Want to turn a woman on?  Be nice.

Dress shoes should be polished and clean because you're not three-years old.  

A man is not truly successful if he doesn't treat people as great in private as he does in public. 

If you have to tell others how macho you are, how successful, how good looking, how desired - then you're not.

On that note, if you have to show your everything to advertise your private attributes - it's the old saying:  "A woman may look at the poster but she's not about to buy record."

A poor work ethic is not macho no matter if you're struggling with a low paying no fun job or you're riding the good train.  A slacker isn't respected by anyone.
Learn to iron.  A wrinkled dress shirt looks like it came from behind the clothes hamper when you were fifteen.

A guy doesn't need to read men's magazines to look and act macho; it's an awareness of what's decent.

If people's eyes water when they smell your aftershave, it's too strong or too much.  If in doubt, soap and water clean is always a good choice.

Deodorant:  Cowboys are macho - smelling like a horse is not.

Chest bumps should be done only in the presence of other men.  I'm trying to help you here.

Do NOT ever post anything about a woman (any woman) (any event) (any circumstance) (any action) on social media.  

  • In anger:  you lose.  
  • To be romantic:  you fail.  
  • To joke:  you die.  

Unless it's an emergency, macho men do not check, write or play with their phones in the presence of others.  It makes you look insecure.  It's impolite.  It's so pre-teen girly.
In this particular time in our country, shall I open this up for debate?  That ugly name calling, oppressive and rude display we've come to accept as debate?  Nope, not today but thanks anyway. 

No comments:

Post a Comment