Thursday, October 17, 2013

Things to NOT do Outside - Ever

Wear high heels.  I know brides are just sure all the wedding party can navigate through a vineyard, gravel parking lot, dew, and knee high prairie grass with purple and turquoise platform six-inch satin shoes – but NO!  If it’s an outdoor party, think sprained ankle and trip to the ER. 

Wear perfume.  Here’s a little chemistry lesson:  Most perfume contains ingredients that resemble flowers or sweets.  Insects (biting, stinging, creepy crawly insects) LOVE flowers and sweets.  Get the picture?

Tiptoe through the tulips.  The temptation to wander into the flower gardens of private and public places might be great but just don’t do it – ever.  Paths are there for a good reason – use them.

Smoking.  I’m not going to tell smokers to quit but smoking up a storm in the great outdoors can really be a downer in a public setting or at a party. Ask your hosts where to smoke and where to put your butts.  Literately.

Picking walnuts.  Unless you like the look of an entire hand tattoo, do not handle walnuts without gloves.  Think walnut furniture; it’s that color from the stain.  It will not wash off, scrub off, steel wool off – only wear off over a L=O=N=G time.

Trespass.  There are times when these little tips seem so obvious to most readers.  But, alas, not everyone understands boundaries.  Rule of thumb:  If you don’t own it, you may not be there without permission.  There is no such thing as “nobody owns it”.  Someone is paying the mortgage, rent, taxes, insurance, and if it’s not you – guess what?  It’s trespassing absolutely and period.

Fertilizing/killing weeds before throwing a party.  It will either smell like chemicals or manure and it can irritate skin and some allergies. Yes, that has disaster written all over.

Show a lot of skin at parties.  Unless you’re eighteen and ripped, no one really wants to look at your hairy back or sagging whatever over a hamburger.  I’m not being judgmental - I’m just saying you’ll be cooler in so many ways.

Downing trees.  Do not cut down or trim big trees without the proper equipment and experience.  Ways to get maimed or die in the process = let me count the ways.

Use a goat to cut grass.  Goats are cute, they are a farm product, they keep pasture trimmed, some give milk, they make good meat – I KNOW!  Put a goat in a yard for the purpose of not mowing and you better be ready for the “other side of the story”.  Goats have certain traits and needs – read up before buying one of these little beauties.

Willy Nilly planting.  I tend to go to a nursery and see something so amazing I buy it without thought of what it will be in ten years, where it will fit, and any of the other hundred considerations.   Willy Nilly planting causes extra work!

Skimping on farm safety.  Wishing our farm neighbors a safe and bountiful harvest – enough said.

Hiding behind a tree.  OK guys this one’s for you.  Big party, lots of trees, a little drinking and there you are behind the tree because no one will notice.  Wrong-O.

Burying electric cable too shallow.  Sooner or later someone will cut the line resulting in loss of power at best – loss of life at worst.

Not taking time to smell the roses.  Whether you’re an extreme sport participant or a porch rocking chair kind of person, being outdoors in all seasons can help you physically and emotionally.  The great outdoors is a gift and living in this area of the country is a blessing. 

Note:  All photos are Anderson Japanese Gardens, Rockford IL - taken earlier this year.  Do you ever double click on these blog photos?  You can easily page through them and see up close all the pretty scenes.  Easy Peasy!  

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