Thursday, March 7, 2013

Rot Your Socks Off

Doesn't it just rot your socks off?
1. A prediction of twelve inches of snow and you get two - almost. Although I'm grateful my daughter-in-law didn't have to drive home from her third shift nursing job in twelve inches. But still...

2. Packages of seeds for 98 cents that have perhaps five seeds in them. Seriously, does anyone plant only five seeds??

3. A garden tool with a "lifetime guarantee" that totally disintegrates the first summer and you can't find your receipt, they have no mail service and no phones and you cry.

4. The only inhabitants of your newly built bird house is a nest of wasps - really mean wasps.

5. The casual acquaintance that is your neighborhood environmental watch dog. Dear "canewd", I am not going to picket my neighboring farmers for using fertilizer, nor am I going to lie down in front of their tractor, combine, disk, wagon or small dogs to prevent the spreading of before mentioned substance. It's farming - now go home and write a blog or something.

6. The "dwarf" variety of an evergreen bush planted under your window which costs more for less and five years later you cannot see anything but pine needles to the East.

7. Never thinking "It's free" will mean a life time of using my precious time to eradicate.

8. People who don't want brown birds at their feeders because they aren't pretty enough.

9. People (again) who don't read and understand the labels on chemical treatment containers.

10. Killing all insects that sting. Really? Let me guide you to the word "pollination."

11. Criticizing your neighbor's garden art, house paint color, length of grass, landscaping and etc. I know, I know, we all expect our neighbor's yard to look like an HG TV commercial while our weeds are only temporary, but let's just hold hands and sing a verse or two of "kum ba ya" before pointing fingers.

12. Unreal expectations. OK, this one belongs in my sock. I want that little plant to look like the catalog photo, the nursery landscape, HG TV, my gardening friends' examples, or maybe I just want it to live! I'm on my knees pleading!!! 

13. Know-it-all gardeners. The ones who know all the Latin names of your plants while they quiz you to see if you know them as well. The ones who have the ONLY solution to YOUR garden problems. They also won't drink the iced tea you offer them because it wasn't made from distilled virgin water from a mountain stream they can actually name. They only use plants and seeds from certain nurseries; certain expensive nurseries. They don't have a sense of humor!

14. Raining on a garden walk, party or wedding. I could seriously stop the Midwest drought if I planned more garden parties.

15. Gnats. Mosquitoes. Ticks.

16. Bird seed that birds won't eat, that rots in the feeder and when it falls on the ground sprouting weeds.

17. Garden gloves that get a hole in the finger the second time you wear them.

18. Sunscreen that is so sticky every gnat in the yard is stuck to you within the first hour.

19. Garden hats that are either so dense they don't allow a breeze to enter or so loose the top of your head sunburns through them.

20. Garden equipment painted either brown or green making it impossible to find it until it snows.

21. Garden magazines and books printing erroneous information. Management plan: Hire experts.

22. People who will drive three hours to a mega nursery and fail to once visit the local small business down the road.

23. Root bound plant sets at nurseries in the spring.

24. Exaggerated claims in plant catalogs; especially the hardiness zones.

25. Doomsday predictions. Get a grip! We've had droughts, heat, cold, floods, violent weather, good crops, bad crops, disease, pestilence, fire and brimstone before and will again. Did I mention "get a grip"?

Gardening is all about optimism. Share some - it helps stop sock rot.

1 comment:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.